I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
