I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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