Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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