Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
