They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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