I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What a dumb baby whore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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