Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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