I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
