escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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