chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
