Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A+ Viking dick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
