You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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