If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
