By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
