I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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