I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have fence marks all over my body
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
