if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
