Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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