I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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