I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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