I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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