I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
