dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The uberlube is also flammable
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
