Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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