My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize