i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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