I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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