Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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