The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
