I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
