but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
birth control should be required to get into college
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
