Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
