Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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