Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
