It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have fence marks all over my body
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
