Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
