You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
