so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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