Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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