We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
