piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
These tits shall not be calmed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
