my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
