Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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