I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
