If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
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Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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