i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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