Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
