...so i touched it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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