dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
