At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
