that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
