I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
