ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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