and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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