He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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