While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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