I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
