about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
