Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
