someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
