i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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