nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
