fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
