Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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