Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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