20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
