How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
