new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
