i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
